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Corny Joke Page

Coyote Bob loves dumb nature jokes. Here is a list of his favorites.

Why do seagulls live near the sea?

If they lived near the bay, they would be bagels

Where did the kittens go on their class trip?

To a mewseum

What do you call a bull when it's asleep?

A bulldozer.

What kind of luggage did the turkey vulture take on his airplane trip?

Carrion.

Why is a bear's nose in the middle of his face?

Because it is the scenter.

What do you call a fish without any eyes?

Fsh.

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

It stole the show.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

What steals from you when you're in your bathtub?

A robber duckie.

What kind of math do great-horned owls like?

Owlgebra.

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

Can I hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand?

What do you call a grasshopper with an injured leg?

Unhoppy!

What do frogs order at a fast food restaurant?

French flies and a diet Croak.

Which game did the coyote want to play with the mouse?

Catch.

What do you get when you cross a bullsnake with a porcupine?

Six feet of barbed wire.

What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?

Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

What did the judge say when a skunk walked in to her courtroom?

Odor in the court.

What do skunks do when they get angry?

They raise a stink.

What kind of parrot can tell time?

A clockatiel.

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?

A walkie-talkie.

What is the difference between a cougar and a comma?

One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

A frog telephoned Psychic Hotline

He was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
"Wow!" the frog said, "That's wonderful! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

Where do coyotes go when they lose their tails?

To the retail store.

What kind of dog tells time?

A watch dog.

Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they do not know the words.

Where does a blackbird go for a drink?

To a crow bar.

Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?

She wanted to make a long-distance caw.

A pair of chickens walked into library and said, 'Buuk Buuk BUUK.'

The librarian decided that the chickens wanted three books. She gave them the books and they walked out. Later, the chickens came back and said angrily,' Buuk Buuk BuKKOOK!' The librarian gave them three more books, and the chickens left. The two chickens returned in the early afternoon looking annoyed and said, 'Buuk Buuk Buuk Buuk Bukkooook!' The librarian gave them five books and decided to follow them. She followed them out to a park where she saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in the pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rred-it, Rred-it, Rred-it."

What do you call a Fly without wings?

A walk.

A man with a lizard on his head walks into the doctor's office.

The doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?" And the lizard replies, "Well doctor... it's this thing that's hanging from my bottom."

What do you call a royal jack rabbit?

A hare to the throne.

How do you identify a bald eagle?

All his feathers are combed over to one side.

There were two fish in a tank

One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

A man heard knocking on his door, but when he opened it no one was there.

He looked all around and finally saw a little brown snail sitting on the doormat. He picked up the snail and threw it across the street into a field. A month later, he again heard knocking on his door. He opened it again and no one was there. He looked all around, and he finally saw the little brown snail on the doormat.
The snail said, "Why the heck did you do that?"

What do you call an illegally parked frog?

Toad.

What holiday is always observed by birds?

Feathers Day!

What do you call an accidental bird collision?

A feather bender.

What do you call a formal dance for ducks?

A fowl ball.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?

Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

What do you call a cow murder mystery?

A moo-done-it.

What do you call a fish without an eye?

A FSHhh.

What did the father buffalo say to the boy buffalo when he left for school?

Bison!

What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?

Hot cross bunnies!

How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot.

The parrot would always steal his act by saying things like, "He has a card up his sleeve," or "He has a dove in his pocket." One day the cruise ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and asked, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

Why does a tiger have stripes?

So he will not be spotted.

Why do hens lay eggs?

If they dropped them, they would break.

What did the rock tell the geologist?

I'm gneiss, so don't take me for granite.

A little girl was in her garden filling in a hole when her neighbor looked over the fence.

He politely asked, "Hi! What are you up to there?"
"My goldfish died," replied the girl tearfully, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was amazed. "Isn't that an awfully big hole for a goldfish?"
The little girl tamped down the soil and replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

What do you get when you cross a four leaf clover and poison ivy?

A rash of good luck.

What runs but never walks?

A river.

Why can you never have just one parakeet?

Because there is always a PAIR a keets!

What kind of tree do fingers grow on?

A palm tree!

How do birds stop themselves in the air?

With air brakes.

If we breathe oxygen in the daytime, what do we breathe at night?

Nitrogen.

How did the big mountain know that the little mountain was fibbing?

Because it was only a bluff.

What do you call a lazy snail?

A slug.

What advice can you give a fish so he can avoid being caught?

Do not fall for any old line.

If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?

An umbrella.

If you throw a pumpkin in the air, what comes down?

Squash.

Why is the sea so powerful?

Because it has so many mussels.

What animal talks a lot?

A yak.

Which insects are known as "arithmetic bugs?"

Mosquitoes. They add to misery, subtract from pleasure, divide your attention, and multiply quickly.

What did the grasshopper say to the cockroach?

Bug, you man me!

What did the mother worm say to the little worm who was late?

Where in earth have you been?

What did the dirt say to the rain?

If this keeps up, my name will be mud.

What animals didn't come on the Ark in pairs?

Worms. They came in apples.

What is black and yellow and goes zzub, zzub?

A bee going backwards.

What was the highest mountain before Mt. Everest was discovered?

Mt. Everest.

Why do cows wear bells?

'Because their horns do not work.

Why do flies walk on the ceiling?

If they walked on the floor, someone might step on them.

Why did the mouse want to move to a better house?

She was tired of living in a hole in the wall.

 

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